I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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