I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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