I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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