I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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