i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
