??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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