their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
