she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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