If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
