Please, let me fuck your mom
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
