One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
