I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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