I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
