I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
