Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
