Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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