yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
