Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
