would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
