Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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