WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
