FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
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I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
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It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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