dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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