my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
