she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
