'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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