Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
