i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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