you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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