as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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