please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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