sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
