so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
