I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
