I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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