Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
