Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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