If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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