but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
