That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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