Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
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It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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