my mouth tastes like poor choices
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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