I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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