All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
