Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
