Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Randomize
