Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
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My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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