lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
