I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
