That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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