You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
