i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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