maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
