is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
