I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
