This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
