i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
