woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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