oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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