There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
