i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
