im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
