Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize