Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
