It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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