I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
