Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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