Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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