remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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