Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
