I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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