I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
