he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize