dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
