you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
