You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
