Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You left your phone here
Wait...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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