hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
