Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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