you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
