Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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