I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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