im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
