I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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