Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
